A reason is a reason for no reason at all.
Holding two truths that feel opposing is difficult but I would like to think I am getting more comfortable with it. I find it interesting and infuriating that art can have a meaning behind it that drives an artist to create, but also art can be made with no premeditated concept and something is discovered after its brought into reality. While I struggle to articulate what this thought is to me, I do enjoy the mechanism of using a contradiction to demonstrate legitimacy.

I don’t remember if this thought was came from a state of frustration, but returning to it feels to provide a permission slip to do the thing that I feel pulled to do for no other reason than I felt pulled to do so.

Thinking about what, who, how, why art is has unveiled the notion that things we accept within a rational mindset can be construed, bent, and translated in a way that makes what was once sound, feel blurry and stand on unsettled ground. At some point a thing was defined by someone. A purpose, a principle, a rule, a parameter, a guideline, an ideology, a definition, a language, a sign, cue, assumption, prediction, theory, interpretation; the list goes on and on. Essentially the things we operate by were a one point just an idea that later on may have evolved into something that humanity hung on to. The idea was adopted culturally or within a religion. The idea was an approach that later was a scientific discovery. The idea was an assumption that seem to have a better success rate than not. The idea became a base for someone to grab onto to feel a sense of identity.

Anything from science to religion to commercial brands, to sports, to occupations, to a kid’s drawing hung a fridge, was conceived from an idea. So then what gives these generational concepts power over us to where we don’t even consider questioning, let alone redefining, what the once-was-thought-of idea could be within an alternative interpretation? Have we hindered ourselves in seeing the opportunity for beautiful exploration within opposition? Questioning while still holding onto the belief. Challenging while still showing support. Reasoning that reasons are just reasons because at one point they were reasoned to be so.

An artist’s greatest ~~power~~tool is hindsight.
I think have been a scared person without knowing I have been a scared person. Scared to put hours towards something that can’t promise that will be “worth it”. Scared to use the expensive material in case I fuck it up. Scared to make the thing I want to make because someone in my past may receive it poorly. I have acknowledged these fears overtime but recently I don’t think I have fully accepted the constant power they have over me.

Making objects out of the things that feel like they should be made out of, is a strange feeling to have. Or rather it’s strange to try to explain that feeling with words. Because it feels very mystic and spiritual to be pushed to make something when I don’t know why I am led to it. Even if we were to attribute the production of that feeling from a source of ‘things we like’ it is still not defined enough for someone else to genuinely feel that feeling. I like the qualities of hardwood, milk crates, and cardboard…why? What makes me like those things? Today I don’t have the words nor the energy to take a crack at that.

When an new idea pops in my mind brain, it is launched into the gauntlet of my rational mind before it is even close to coming into reality.

What else is on my plate at the moment? Will this really help achieve my long term goals? Will I even like the end result? What if no one wants to buy it, do I even want to keep it? Does this fit my brand? absolute throw-up-in-the-front-yard-gag

So if we would have the answers and know why we are pulled to do something, would there be anything to discover?

Ultimately I think how one manages the fear of failure (in one form or another) is what sets an artist apart from a hobbyist. When I actually sit down and step into the obscurity of an idea; allow intuition, material, play, curiosity to take over; I detach myself from rationale adult mind and come out learning something about the idea. Anchoring my hope on the hindsight of an idea rather than the tangible thing that is manifested from the idea allows to skirt around the gauntlet of fears and get to the process. Better shifting my focus to exploration rather than the rationalization.

“Look for the potential, not the solution.” — Assaf Evron
It is hard to describe how much this quote unlocked for me. Hearing this felt like the start of deconstructing the rigid-stubborn-adopted walls that I had put around myself as a creative person. With a background in graphic design, you quickly learn to consider all variables before you start thinking about how the project will come together. Variables like timeline, budget, placement, audience, and messaging. For years, I have had to consider so many variables before I made anything.

This quote makes it very difficult to separate thinking and making. If I feel an idea has potential, why would I rely on interacting with that potential in one realm? The realm of JUST sketching or JUST drafting plans on a computer.

This exposes the huge gap between my thinking and my making. I think by considering variables, searching for the solution rather than following something that is much more undefined. Thinking may consist of sketching, creating a rough plan, working on the computer, referencing related projects, then estimating how much it may cost to make. Then, if the idea is lucky to surpass my insecure rationale human brain, I make. Unfortunately thought many times the thinking would lead to a not-worth-it feeling or I found another idea that felt more promising. (← the Potential)

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In order to think, I make.

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Potential does not have one form, nor does it follow a linear path. When a teacher recognizes a gifted student they say, “They have potential.” What the hell does that actually mean? The concept of potential feels to be a very mystic and spiritual to me. It signifies a belief in something without a definitive reason why. One can feel potential which then could be argued I don’t think we feel solutions. Potential is like a magnetic pull towards north and a Solution is the arriving to the destination.

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Merriam-Webster definition of potential — existing in possibility : capable of development into actuality.

Etymology of potential: Originates from the late 14th-century Latin potentialis ("powerful, effective"), derived from potentia ("power, force, ability") and potens ("powerful").

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Even as I write, I feel like I am not fully realizing all my thoughts. I haven’t come to a concluding thought, which I think I would prefer to conclude on but yet again, that would go against what this quote suggests. This reflection is meant to be unresolved. To feel like there is something more to explore.